I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
