The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
