All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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