Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
