Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
