blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
