My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
