Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
whose parrot is this?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
