Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
