a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
