Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
