Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
