Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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