The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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