You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
