By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
