Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
