The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
