Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
