if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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