Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
please come you make the beer taste better
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Drake has all the answers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
