If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
