Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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