Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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