someone threw a dead crab at me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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