somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
