Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
