Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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