He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
