is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
