If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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