this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
