You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
