i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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