just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
