I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
