I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
