Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
