Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
