You just made me feel so damn special
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
