Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
