I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
