that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
