yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
