well most of my day revolves around power hour
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
