smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
