Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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