i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
