She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
