Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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