he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
