hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
